| "Social intercourse is a two way street. | | | | inviting trouble. Take disagreements |
| Make sure you are | | | | |
| | | | in stride and pick your fights carefully. |
| driving on the right side." | | | | Ask yourself if it is really necessary |
| | | | |
| - Bryce's LawINTRODUCTIONIn past articles I | | | | to create an enemy at this point in your |
| have described the problems our younger | | | | career.7. BE COURTEOUSYour manners and how |
| workers are | | | | you interact with others says a lot about a |
| | | | person's |
| having with interpersonal relations | | | | |
| comunications. Many find it easier to plug | | | | character. Basic courtesy means you are |
| | | | socially well adjusted. No, I am |
| into an iPod as opposed to working with | | | | |
| others. This is resulting in | | | | not suggesting everyone turns into a "Miss |
| | | | Manners," but attention to basic |
| a socially dysfunctional workplace where | | | | |
| people work at odds with each | | | | courtesy can improve your image with others. |
| | | | Small details can have a |
| other. To overcome this problem, I offer | | | | |
| the following suggestions for | | | | dramatic effect. For example: |
| | | | |
| improving a person's social intercourse. | | | | A simple Thank You note will be remembered |
| There is nothing magical here, | | | | for a service rendered. I have been a |
| | | | program chairman for various organizations |
| just ten commonsense tips to help you | | | | over the years. After a speaker conducted a |
| develop better relationships with | | | | presentation for me, I would be sure to send |
| | | | a thank you note to him/her for their |
| your coworkers, your vendors, and your | | | | presentation (regardless if there was an |
| customers.1. GREET SOMEONENobody wants to | | | | honorarium or not). This is a nice personal |
| feel unwelcome or unappreciated. If they do, | | | | touch that is remembered. Consequently, I |
| they will | | | | never have a problem securing a |
| | | | speaker.Invite others to participate in |
| feel like outcasts and less likely to help | | | | events. Again, a personal note can work |
| you with something. The objective | | | | wonders and makes people feel wanted. If you |
| | | | stumble over an omission on your invitation |
| is to make people feel at home. This can be | | | | list (which inevitably happens), move swiftly |
| accomplished with a simple | | | | to correct the omission. Include people, |
| | | | don't exclude them, let them know their |
| greeting or a firm handshake while looking | | | | presence has meaning to you. |
| at the person directly in the eyes.It is easy | | | | |
| to detect when a greeting is sincere or | | | | Above all else, watch your temper. As the |
| routine. Your goal is to | | | | old adage admonishes us, |
| | | | |
| appear genuinely concerned about the person. | | | | "You catch more flies with honey than you do |
| This can be achieved by:- Complimenting on | | | | with vinegar." A little |
| some personal attribute of the person (e.g., | | | | |
| clothes,hair, car). | | | | courtesy can go a long way towards building |
| | | | fruitful relationships.8. BE POSITIVEPeople |
| - Inquiring about a person's family (e.g., | | | | naturally gravitate to others with a positive |
| birthday observed, anniversary,graduation, | | | | or upbeat personality. This |
| pets, health, etc.) | | | | |
| | | | doesn't mean we always have to wear a |
| - Asking about an event the person recently | | | | smiling face, but we should concede |
| experienced (e.g., attendanceat an event, | | | | |
| participation in a volunteer organization | | | | that people like optimists as opposed to |
| charity, a new jobor project assignment, | | | | pessimists. As such, we should always |
| etc.), | | | | |
| | | | be looking for reasons why something should |
| - Commenting on something newsworthy - | | | | be done, as opposed to reasons |
| community, sports, weather ("What did you | | | | |
| think about...?")Such greetings are an | | | | why it shouldn't.This leads us into the area |
| expression of your interest in the person. | | | | of effective criticism. Avoid the temptation |
| Too often | | | | to |
| | | | |
| greetings become routine and, as such, less | | | | maliciously criticize someone or something. |
| credible. Try to break it up.A good, basic | | | | First, it makes the person look |
| greeting can work wonders in building | | | | |
| cooperation between | | | | like a whining and jealous naysayer; second, |
| | | | it tends to be more destructive as |
| people.2. ENGAGE IN A CONVERSATIONPeople | | | | |
| have a natural curiosity as to what you are | | | | opposed to constructive. It is simply good |
| all about. The best way | | | | practice, when identifying problems, |
| | | | |
| to communicate this is to engage in simple | | | | to suggest alternatives as opposed to simply |
| conversation. Some people | | | | criticism. As Winston Churchill |
| | | | |
| are naturally shy and tend to withdraw from | | | | astutely observed, "Any idiot can see what |
| such discourse. If one | | | | is wrong with something. But can |
| | | | |
| person is not willing to start a | | | | you see what is right?"So, is the glass half |
| conversation, another should take the | | | | empty or half full? Your answer says a lot |
| | | | about |
| initiative simply by asking the other, "How | | | | |
| are you?" or "What do you think?"A good | | | | how people perceive you.9. BE OBSERVANTAs I |
| icebreaker is to tell a joke. But in this | | | | have frequently written in the past, if there |
| day and age of "political | | | | is anything constant in life, |
| | | | |
| correctness," exercise good judgment and | | | | it is change. Change is always around us, |
| taste in your humor. Avoid | | | | but it takes a perceptive person |
| | | | |
| slang and offensive remarks unless the | | | | to be able to spot the smallest of changes, |
| occasion calls for it. Goodhearted | | | | whether it be a new hair style, |
| | | | |
| kidding and teasing is fine, as long as it | | | | someone losing weight, a small job well |
| doesn't turn malicious.Some people do not | | | | done, or whatever. When a change |
| have the gift of gab for telling jokes. As | | | | |
| such, tell a story | | | | is observed, ask yourself why it has |
| | | | happened. Be inquisitive and understand the |
| about some recent event that happened to | | | | |
| you. But don't ramble. Stay | | | | rationale for the change. This will help |
| | | | you adapt to the change as well as improve |
| focused and be sure your story has a point | | | | |
| to it.A conversation is a two-way street, | | | | your interpersonal relations. For example, |
| regardless if it is humorous or serious | | | | people are easily flattered when |
| | | | |
| in tone. Look interested, stay focused, and | | | | someone compliments them on a change. It |
| ask questions. Also be careful | | | | means you are perceptive and |
| | | | |
| not to dominate a conversation unless that | | | | interested in the person, both of which puts |
| is your intention. If you have | | | | you in good standing with the |
| | | | |
| a tendency to monopolize a conversation, | | | | other person.Included in this area is the |
| people will be less likely to | | | | observance of the names of people. It is |
| | | | |
| engage in conversation with you.For | | | | embarrassing to both parties when a name is |
| additional information on discourse, see:No. | | | | forgotten. In particular, it sends |
| 60 - "The Art of Persuasion" - Feb 20, 2006 | | | | |
| | | | a signal to the other person that he/she is |
| VOLUNTEERMany people prefer to sit back | | | | irrelevant in your eyes. This certainly |
| and watch as others perform the | | | | |
| | | | does not help build relationships. Asking |
| work. Volunteering your time or skills may | | | | for business cards is one thing, |
| add an additional burden | | | | |
| | | | remembering names is something else. This |
| but it tells others you believe in them and | | | | may require a little effort but it |
| are willing to help out. Such | | | | |
| | | | is time well spent.It is these little |
| an expression also makes it easy for you to | | | | observations that go a long way. As an |
| solicit support when you | | | | example, perhaps |
| | | | |
| are in need of help.4. ASK FOR ADVICEToo | | | | the best secretary I ever saw was a lady |
| often people are too proud (or too stubborn) | | | | named Myrna who worked for an |
| to ask for directions | | | | |
| | | | MIS Director in Chicago. The first time I |
| in our journey through life. But asking for | | | | visited the office, Myrna warmly |
| advice from a colleague | | | | |
| | | | greeted me and asked if I wanted a cup of |
| accomplishes two things: first, you might | | | | coffee. Saying Yes, she then asked |
| get the answer you seek, | | | | |
| | | | me what I wanted in it. I said cream and |
| and; second, it says to the person you trust | | | | sugar, which she then made for |
| and respect their opinion. By | | | | |
| | | | me. Months later when I returned to visit |
| confiding in an individual, the advisor | | | | the MIS Director, Myrna greeted me by |
| becomes concerned with | | | | |
| | | | name and presented me with a cup of coffee |
| your best interests. This leads to mutual | | | | with cream and sugar. Frankly, |
| trust and respect between people.When you are | | | | |
| asked to offer advice to another, be as | | | | I was startled that she not only remembered |
| articulate and | | | | my name but how I also liked |
| | | | |
| rational as possible. If you do not know | | | | my coffee. Later I found out that Myrna |
| the correct answer, do not | | | | maintained a simple card file; |
| | | | |
| fabricate advice or mislead the person. | | | | whenever someone visited the office, Myrna |
| This will only shatter the person's | | | | would record their name |
| | | | |
| trust in you. Instead, point him in another | | | | and the type of coffee they liked. Sharp. |
| direction where he might find | | | | Very sharp.10. BE HONESTThe linchpin to good |
| | | | interpersonal relations is trust. Regardless |
| the answer he is seeking.5. NETWORKIt seems | | | | of our form |
| participation in trade groups and volunteer | | | | |
| organizations today | | | | of discourse, nothing builds trust better |
| | | | than honesty, the basic building block |
| are dwindling. This is surprising since | | | | |
| such groups provide a convenient | | | | of confidence. Having an honest character |
| | | | conveys an image that you are |
| vehicle to meet and exchange ideas with your | | | | |
| peers. Such forums are | | | | dependable, that your word is your bond, and |
| | | | you can be trusted to do the |
| useful: | | | | |
| | | | right thing. But your reputation can be |
| To exercise our basic social skills. | | | | shattered overnight if you are caught |
| | | | |
| To stay abreast of current developments in | | | | in a lie. Therefore, don't falsify or |
| our field of interest. | | | | mislead. If you do not know an answer, |
| | | | |
| To establish relationships with people who | | | | do not fabricate one, but make every attempt |
| possess different skills and knowledge that | | | | to find the answer elsewhere.We now live in |
| can help us. | | | | an age where it is more commonplace to |
| | | | cover-up a mistake |
| Instead of resisting networking with others, | | | | |
| the younger generation | | | | as opposed to admit to it. Inevitably, all |
| | | | hell will break loose when the cover-up |
| should embrace it. I heartily recommend | | | | |
| joining trade groups and | | | | is discovered. Instead, admit a mistake |
| | | | early on, correct it, and earn the respect |
| volunteer/charity/fraternal organizations. | | | | |
| Regardless of the group | | | | of your coworkers.Give credit where credit |
| | | | is due. Remember this, nobody wants to work |
| dynamics involved, such forums help to | | | | with |
| improve ourselves personally | | | | |
| | | | someone they fear will wrong, cheat or |
| and professionally.6. TURN OPPONENTS INTO | | | | defraud them.CONCLUSIONThere are other areas |
| PROPONENTSToday we live in a competitive | | | | I could have gone into with this article, |
| society (some prefer the expression "a | | | | such as "persistence" |
| dog-eat-dog | | | | |
| | | | and "leadership," but they would fall |
| world"). I guess this is somewhat natural. | | | | outside of the scope of improving social |
| There is nothing wrong with some | | | | intercourse. I could have also covered such |
| | | | things as "gossip" and "finger pointing" |
| friendly competition; it is when it turns | | | | |
| vicious, thereby turning competitors | | | | but, instead, I was looking for those basic |
| | | | elements for people to improve themselves, |
| into enemies, that you have to be careful. | | | | |
| To overcome this problem, be gracious | | | | not others.Early in my college career I |
| | | | learned, "We enjoy life through the help and |
| in defeat and magnanimous in victory. This | | | | society |
| was the secret to Abraham Lincoln's | | | | |
| | | | of others." True words. Like it or not, we |
| success. After losing earlier political | | | | must interact with other people on a daily |
| campaigns, Lincoln would stun his | | | | |
| | | | basis. The tips I have described, while |
| opponents by appearing at their victory | | | | admittedly are simple, can greatly facilitate |
| celebrations and offering a sincere | | | | |
| | | | how we interact with each other, thereby |
| hand of congratulations and support. | | | | making our companies a better place |
| Because of this, his early opponents | | | | |
| | | | to work and live.Look, its really not that |
| became his proponents later on. After | | | | complicated; just use your head, loosen up a |
| winning the presidential campaign | | | | bit, treat |
| | | | |
| of 1860 he again stunned his opponents by | | | | others as you would have them treat you, and |
| offering them seats in his | | | | try not to stick your foot in your mouth.Tim |
| | | | Bryce is the Managing Director of M. Bryce & |
| cabinet. These former opponents became his | | | | Associates (MBA) of |
| closest confidants during the | | | | |
| | | | Palm Harbor, Florida and has 30 years of |
| dark days of the American Civil War.It is | | | | experience in the field. He |
| one thing to go into a contest confidently; | | | | |
| it is quite another to go in | | | | is available for training and consulting on |
| | | | an international basis. |
| with a chip on your shoulder, thereby | | | | |