| "Social intercourse is a two way street. Make sure | | | | in stride and pick your fights carefully. Ask yourself if |
| you are | | | | it is really necessary |
| driving on the right side." | | | | to create an enemy at this point in your career.7. BE |
| - Bryce's LawINTRODUCTIONIn past articles I have | | | | COURTEOUSYour manners and how you interact |
| described the problems our younger workers are | | | | with others says a lot about a person's |
| having with interpersonal relations/comunications. | | | | character. Basic courtesy means you are socially well |
| Many find it easier to plug | | | | adjusted. No, I am |
| into an iPod as opposed to working with others. This | | | | not suggesting everyone turns into a "Miss Manners," |
| is resulting in | | | | but attention to basic |
| a socially dysfunctional workplace where people | | | | courtesy can improve your image with others. Small |
| work at odds with each | | | | details can have a |
| other. To overcome this problem, I offer the | | | | dramatic effect. For example: |
| following suggestions for | | | | A simple Thank You note will be remembered for a |
| improving a person's social intercourse. There is | | | | service rendered. I have been a program chairman |
| nothing magical here, | | | | for various organizations over the years. After a |
| just ten commonsense tips to help you develop | | | | speaker conducted a presentation for me, I would be |
| better relationships with | | | | sure to send a thank you note to him/her for their |
| your coworkers, your vendors, and your | | | | presentation (regardless if there was an honorarium |
| customers.1. GREET SOMEONENobody wants to feel | | | | or not). This is a nice personal touch that is |
| unwelcome or unappreciated. If they do, they will | | | | remembered. Consequently, I never have a problem |
| feel like outcasts and less likely to help you with | | | | securing a speaker.Invite others to participate in |
| something. The objective | | | | events. Again, a personal note can work wonders |
| is to make people feel at home. This can be | | | | and makes people feel wanted. If you stumble over |
| accomplished with a simple | | | | an omission on your invitation list (which inevitably |
| greeting or a firm handshake while looking at the | | | | happens), move swiftly to correct the omission. |
| person directly in the eyes.It is easy to detect when | | | | Include people, don't exclude them, let them know |
| a greeting is sincere or routine. Your goal is to | | | | their presence has meaning to you. |
| appear genuinely concerned about the person. This | | | | Above all else, watch your temper. As the old adage |
| can be achieved by:- Complimenting on some | | | | admonishes us, |
| personal attribute of the person (e.g., clothes,hair, | | | | "You catch more flies with honey than you do with |
| car). | | | | vinegar." A little |
| - Inquiring about a person's family (e.g., birthday | | | | courtesy can go a long way towards building fruitful |
| observed, anniversary,graduation, pets, health, etc.) | | | | relationships.8. BE POSITIVEPeople naturally gravitate |
| - Asking about an event the person recently | | | | to others with a positive or upbeat personality. This |
| experienced (e.g., attendanceat an event, | | | | doesn't mean we always have to wear a smiling |
| participation in a volunteer organization/charity, a new | | | | face, but we should concede |
| jobor project assignment, etc.), | | | | that people like optimists as opposed to pessimists. |
| - Commenting on something newsworthy - | | | | As such, we should always |
| community, sports, weather ("What did you think | | | | be looking for reasons why something should be |
| about...?")Such greetings are an expression of your | | | | done, as opposed to reasons |
| interest in the person. Too often | | | | why it shouldn't.This leads us into the area of |
| greetings become routine and, as such, less credible. | | | | effective criticism. Avoid the temptation to |
| Try to break it up.A good, basic greeting can work | | | | maliciously criticize someone or something. First, it |
| wonders in building cooperation between | | | | makes the person look |
| people.2. ENGAGE IN A CONVERSATIONPeople have | | | | like a whining and jealous naysayer; second, it tends |
| a natural curiosity as to what you are all about. The | | | | to be more destructive as |
| best way | | | | opposed to constructive. It is simply good practice, |
| to communicate this is to engage in simple | | | | when identifying problems, |
| conversation. Some people | | | | to suggest alternatives as opposed to simply |
| are naturally shy and tend to withdraw from such | | | | criticism. As Winston Churchill |
| discourse. If one | | | | astutely observed, "Any idiot can see what is wrong |
| person is not willing to start a conversation, another | | | | with something. But can |
| should take the | | | | you see what is right?"So, is the glass half empty or |
| initiative simply by asking the other, "How are you?" | | | | half full? Your answer says a lot about |
| or "What do you think?"A good icebreaker is to tell a | | | | how people perceive you.9. BE OBSERVANTAs I |
| joke. But in this day and age of "political | | | | have frequently written in the past, if there is |
| correctness," exercise good judgment and taste in | | | | anything constant in life, |
| your humor. Avoid | | | | it is change. Change is always around us, but it takes |
| slang and offensive remarks unless the occasion calls | | | | a perceptive person |
| for it. Goodhearted | | | | to be able to spot the smallest of changes, whether |
| kidding and teasing is fine, as long as it doesn't turn | | | | it be a new hair style, |
| malicious.Some people do not have the gift of gab | | | | someone losing weight, a small job well done, or |
| for telling jokes. As such, tell a story | | | | whatever. When a change |
| about some recent event that happened to you. But | | | | is observed, ask yourself why it has happened. Be |
| don't ramble. Stay | | | | inquisitive and understand the |
| focused and be sure your story has a point to it.A | | | | rationale for the change. This will help you adapt to |
| conversation is a two-way street, regardless if it is | | | | the change as well as improve |
| humorous or serious | | | | your interpersonal relations. For example, people are |
| in tone. Look interested, stay focused, and ask | | | | easily flattered when |
| questions. Also be careful | | | | someone compliments them on a change. It means |
| not to dominate a conversation unless that is your | | | | you are perceptive and |
| intention. If you have | | | | interested in the person, both of which puts you in |
| a tendency to monopolize a conversation, people will | | | | good standing with the |
| be less likely to | | | | other person.Included in this area is the observance |
| engage in conversation with you.For additional | | | | of the names of people. It is |
| information on discourse, see:No. 60 - "The Art of | | | | embarrassing to both parties when a name is |
| Persuasion" - Feb 20, 2006 | | | | forgotten. In particular, it sends |
| VOLUNTEERMany people prefer to sit back and | | | | a signal to the other person that he/she is irrelevant |
| watch as others perform the | | | | in your eyes. This certainly |
| work. Volunteering your time or skills may add an | | | | does not help build relationships. Asking for business |
| additional burden | | | | cards is one thing, |
| but it tells others you believe in them and are willing | | | | remembering names is something else. This may |
| to help out. Such | | | | require a little effort but it |
| an expression also makes it easy for you to solicit | | | | is time well spent.It is these little observations that |
| support when you | | | | go a long way. As an example, perhaps |
| are in need of help.4. ASK FOR ADVICEToo often | | | | the best secretary I ever saw was a lady named |
| people are too proud (or too stubborn) to ask for | | | | Myrna who worked for an |
| directions | | | | MIS Director in Chicago. The first time I visited the |
| in our journey through life. But asking for advice | | | | office, Myrna warmly |
| from a colleague | | | | greeted me and asked if I wanted a cup of coffee. |
| accomplishes two things: first, you might get the | | | | Saying Yes, she then asked |
| answer you seek, | | | | me what I wanted in it. I said cream and sugar, |
| and; second, it says to the person you trust and | | | | which she then made for |
| respect their opinion. By | | | | me. Months later when I returned to visit the MIS |
| confiding in an individual, the advisor becomes | | | | Director, Myrna greeted me by |
| concerned with | | | | name and presented me with a cup of coffee with |
| your best interests. This leads to mutual trust and | | | | cream and sugar. Frankly, |
| respect between people.When you are asked to | | | | I was startled that she not only remembered my |
| offer advice to another, be as articulate and | | | | name but how I also liked |
| rational as possible. If you do not know the correct | | | | my coffee. Later I found out that Myrna maintained |
| answer, do not | | | | a simple card file; |
| fabricate advice or mislead the person. This will only | | | | whenever someone visited the office, Myrna would |
| shatter the person's | | | | record their name |
| trust in you. Instead, point him in another direction | | | | and the type of coffee they liked. Sharp. Very |
| where he might find | | | | sharp.10. BE HONESTThe linchpin to good |
| the answer he is seeking.5. NETWORKIt seems | | | | interpersonal relations is trust. Regardless of our form |
| participation in trade groups and volunteer | | | | |
| organizations today | | | | of discourse, nothing builds trust better than |
| are dwindling. This is surprising since such groups | | | | honesty, the basic building block |
| provide a convenient | | | | of confidence. Having an honest character conveys |
| vehicle to meet and exchange ideas with your peers. | | | | an image that you are |
| Such forums are | | | | dependable, that your word is your bond, and you |
| useful: | | | | can be trusted to do the |
| To exercise our basic social skills. | | | | right thing. But your reputation can be shattered |
| To stay abreast of current developments in our field | | | | overnight if you are caught |
| of interest. | | | | in a lie. Therefore, don't falsify or mislead. If you do |
| To establish relationships with people who possess | | | | not know an answer, |
| different skills and knowledge that can help us. | | | | do not fabricate one, but make every attempt to |
| Instead of resisting networking with others, the | | | | find the answer elsewhere.We now live in an age |
| younger generation | | | | where it is more commonplace to cover-up a mistake |
| should embrace it. I heartily recommend joining trade | | | | as opposed to admit to it. Inevitably, all hell will break |
| groups and | | | | loose when the cover-up |
| volunteer/charity/fraternal organizations. Regardless | | | | is discovered. Instead, admit a mistake early on, |
| of the group | | | | correct it, and earn the respect |
| dynamics involved, such forums help to improve | | | | of your coworkers.Give credit where credit is due. |
| ourselves personally | | | | Remember this, nobody wants to work with |
| and professionally.6. TURN OPPONENTS INTO | | | | someone they fear will wrong, cheat or defraud |
| PROPONENTSToday we live in a competitive society | | | | them.CONCLUSIONThere are other areas I could |
| (some prefer the expression "a dog-eat-dog | | | | have gone into with this article, such as "persistence" |
| world"). I guess this is somewhat natural. There is | | | | and "leadership," but they would fall outside of the |
| nothing wrong with some | | | | scope of improving social intercourse. I could have |
| friendly competition; it is when it turns vicious, | | | | also covered such things as "gossip" and "finger |
| thereby turning competitors | | | | pointing" |
| into enemies, that you have to be careful. To | | | | but, instead, I was looking for those basic elements |
| overcome this problem, be gracious | | | | for people to improve themselves, |
| in defeat and magnanimous in victory. This was the | | | | not others.Early in my college career I learned, "We |
| secret to Abraham Lincoln's | | | | enjoy life through the help and society |
| success. After losing earlier political campaigns, Lincoln | | | | of others." True words. Like it or not, we must |
| would stun his | | | | interact with other people on a daily |
| opponents by appearing at their victory celebrations | | | | basis. The tips I have described, while admittedly are |
| and offering a sincere | | | | simple, can greatly facilitate |
| hand of congratulations and support. Because of this, | | | | how we interact with each other, thereby making |
| his early opponents | | | | our companies a better place |
| became his proponents later on. After winning the | | | | to work and live.Look, its really not that complicated; |
| presidential campaign | | | | just use your head, loosen up a bit, treat |
| of 1860 he again stunned his opponents by offering | | | | others as you would have them treat you, and try |
| them seats in his | | | | not to stick your foot in your mouth.Tim Bryce is the |
| cabinet. These former opponents became his closest | | | | Managing Director of M. Bryce & Associates (MBA) |
| confidants during the | | | | of |
| dark days of the American Civil War.It is one thing | | | | Palm Harbor, Florida and has 30 years of experience |
| to go into a contest confidently; it is quite another to | | | | in the field. He |
| go in | | | | is available for training and consulting on an |
| with a chip on your shoulder, thereby inviting trouble. | | | | international basis. |
| Take disagreements | | | | |